Boomer women caring for parents often decide to live in. This choice enables your parent to reside in her own cherished home for the longest possible time beyond the point where she can no longer manage alone. While this approach can make sense for economic reasons or the elemental desire to attend to your parent personally, you must make sure you carve out a place for yourself when you undertake long-term care in a home setting.

You are not a visitor or a guest. This move is not a visit home for a holiday or birthday. You have chosen to become a resident with equal rights and responsibilities in this domestic situation. It is important to recognize this yourself and communicate your change in status to your parent.

As a resident, you require spaces that are yours ─ places that accommodate your special needs, tastes and routines. Otherwise, your stress level will soar, your energy level plummet and you will not achieve your caregiver goals. You might joke about the gypsy in your soul, but there is a psychic toll for living as a vagabond for an extended period.

One way to free up space is to donate rarely used items to charity. A friend of mine discovered her mother had fifty-eight flower vases stashed away. She was able to liberate an entire closet! If your parent is resistant to giving treasured keepsakes away, consider renting storage space.

If your parent owns a freestanding house, you should expect your own bedroom and an additional area for work or hobbies. You should take the time to make over your bedroom to promote optimum sleep, a vital requisite for caregivers. If you prefer a hard mattress, buy one. Bring your special pillows and your alarm clock with the bird sounds. Check out the draperies. Are you a person who requires a pitch-black room to sleep properly? If so, buy opaque curtains or a blind. What about ventilation? Elders often keep their houses very warm. Can you open the window to cool your bedroom?

When you are not caring for your parents, you will need an area in which to do your work or provide yourself with recreation. Is there a place to write, pay your bills, kept your records, make private phone calls, read or use your computer? A desk or table, a good reading chair and proper lighting might be in your bedroom, but it might be elsewhere in the house. If you love cooking, your special space might be in the kitchen. If you sew, quilt or paint a different space must be located. You should plan to bring special furniture with you or ship it to your parent's address, for example, that special ergonomic chair you love.

Caregivers must establish a routine to guarantee adequate exercise. Find a place to set up a mat. Bring basic exercise equipment much as frequent travelers do. Resistance bands, wrist weights and an inflatable ball are good choices. Be sure to pack your walking shoes.

If you have brought your own car to your parent's residence, provide yourself with prime garage space. If you are the one fetching the groceries, you need to have the space nearest the kitchen door. Remember, you are not a visitor. You should not be parking on the street or in the cold. Move that little used, dust-covered sedan to the side of the driveway and cover it with a tarp. Perhaps your parent should make a charitable donation of the car she is no longer able to drive.

You also must give attention to your personal sensibilities. Accommodate your tastes in music and television in the daily schedule. This will require some dialogue with you parent. She might enjoy departing from old habits and exploring new programs with you. If you are a musician, you need to establish practice time for yourself in the house that is far from the droning Matlock reruns. Most parents delight in hearing their children play.

Be sure to include yourself on the home answering machine. If the unit is old, consider investing in a new system with multiple mailboxes. Speaking of mailboxes, do forward your mail to your parent's address, but check to make sure her box is adequate to your needs. If the box is small, you might consider renting your own box at the post office or a conveniently located commercial provider.

When visiting nurses, physical therapists, or wound care specialists attend your parent, you will need to be assertive about appointments. Make it clear you have a schedule too and work with these professionals to book their visits to suit your needs as well as those of your parent.

If your parent is an apartment or condominium dweller, the space available to you may be limited. You must make a careful assessment of her living situation to determine whether the bare minimum of personal accommodation exists for you to be an effective live-in caregiver. If these conditions cannot be met, you should consider alternatives such as an assisted living facility or a home care agency. Here are the minimum requirements.

1. Your own bed in a room separate from your parent. This may be the living area, but if so, the sofa or futon must open up to a proper size and provide adequate support.

2. Your own closet for storing clothing and other personal belongings.

3. A desk, table or work area dedicated to your use.

4. Bathroom space, including a medicine cabinet shelf for your own vitamins and over-the-counter favorites, and a drawer for your personal care items.

5. A refrigerator shelf and cabinet space for your food and beverage choices.

Planning and preparation can make the live-in care giving experience workable and enjoyable for you and your loved one, and remember, if the tables are turned and you are moving your parent into your home, she deserves the same consideration regarding personal space as you would give yourself.