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NABBW Columnist - Baby Boomer Humor
| Name: | Georgia Richardson |
| Title: | Author, Speaker, Southern Humorist |
| Expertise: | Baby Boomer Humor |
| Web Site: |
http://www.queenjawjaw.com |
| Email: | gjawjaw1@bellsouth.net |
| Bio: |  Southern humorist Georgia Richardson, better known as Queen Jaw Jaw, has been published in GRAND, Chicken Soup for the Soul magazine, Woman's World, Guidepost online, and a host of other local and national magazines.
Her debut book, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Throne, consists of every day life experiences with just a twist of the imagination. Her second book, an anthology, Pink Jasper- Gems from the Journey, was written by Georgia and five other women across the United States, Canada, and England. Amazingly, these women have never met. Writer, speaker and gabologist, the Queen mixes her sharp sense of humor with everyday life observations and, as the Queen says, ?Every single story is true, honest injun? I'd rather walk on my lips than tell a lie?. To visit her queendom, just click on the link at the bottom of this page. There you can read all about her Lunch Hour Specials. Don't forget to ?paws? a while and see what her good friend and writer-dog Trixie, a.k.a., da Trixster, has been up to? |
Holiday...Oops...I Mean Hospital Inn Express
By Georgia Richardson
When my oldest son became ill, I spent nearly at week at the hospital, night and day. I discovered many things about hospitals that I am inclined to share.
First and foremost, repeat after me, “This ain't no Holiday Inn™.” The sooner you get use to that idea, the better. Also, there are 397 possible positions of those so called "fold-out" chair-beds. Most of them can be viewed in any Chinese Torture book.
Staff nurses think only of the patients. What's up with that? Would it kill them to bring me coffee when they first hear me fall out of the chair-bed? A muffin? Hell-O? Get ready for them to roll their eyes and give you that, “I’m much to busy to bla…bla…bla” thing. There’s a whole bunch of them to do that other stuff, and only one of me. You do the math.
You WILL meet Mr. Security if you fill up their surgical gloves with water. Oh puleaseee...like they never have. And don't even think of asking to wear one of their precious white coats. Well, la-dee-dah… who wants too anyway? Everybody knows white makes you look bigger.
Wrapping yourself up like a mummy with gauze then hiding behind a door until just the right moment will NOT win friends. Trust me on this one. It’s a hospital for crying out loud. They don’t have more gauze? And just exactly what do these people do for fun? One more thing...NONE of their computers has games on them, much less Internet access. No email...nada. And get this, they don't want you to TOUCH them for Pete's sake just because they are hooked up to the operating rooms. Who knew?
I’m convinced hospitals must buy their toilet paper from gas stations. Would somebody tell me who actually makes this stuff? Whoever it is, bet they don't use it at THEIR house.
One more thing…Is it me or do all of the doc's look like kids on a class field trip?
While I’m on the subject of doctors, don’t even make the mistake of asking questions. It is written, doctors are Gods. And if you ask, the Gods they will be angry. Be grateful for the nanosecond spent with you and your loved one which will be followed by a bill closely resembling the National Debt.
In my next life I’ve decided to come back as a hospital chair-bed designer or maybe a toilet paper manufacture. If these people can sell to hospitals all over the world, I want in on it. Either that or a doctor. Just think, I could tell all those people who’ve made me mad to “bend over, this won’t hurt a bit” and better yet, I’d get paid big bucks for doing it!
© Copyright 2005-2008
Visit Georgia at
http://www.queenjawjaw.com
Southern humorist Georgia Richardson, better known as Queen Jaw Jaw, Author of two books, and most importantly, Big Momma to her grandchildren. Says the Queen, "If I can make you smile, then I can die a happy woman. I hope you do, too. Ah...smile that is; not die." QJJ